apocalypse Duggar
Why oh why is the Duggar family website down? Many of you may not be aware of this, but Cambria and I are sort of obsessed with what we call “the freak channel”, a.k.a. TLC, and we especially like the mini-docs/shows about people with ridiculous amounts of children (Jon & Kate Plus Eight, anyone?) or people who eat a ridiculous amount of food (I Eat 30,000 Calories a Day) or whatever. Last night, Bri called me up, just a little drunk, and I wish I could reproduce the conversation for you but I can’t remember all of it, but suffice it to say we had a disproportionally long conversation about the Duggars and tried to name all their children, which Cambria is way better at than I am.
Anyway, for those uninitiated into the Duggar world, the Duggars are a fascinating family of TWENTY PEOPLE IF YOU CAN BELIEVE IT. Jim-Bob Duggar is a real-estate salesman/former Arkansas state legislator aged 42 and his wife, Michelle, is literally a baby factor, the mother of seventeen, soon to be eighteen, children. EIGHTEEN! CHILDREN! They range in age from twenty (Joshua) to in-the-womb-right-now (the youngest born one is less than a year old). All their names start with the letter J, but they just got to Jennifer last year, passing this traditional name up for sort of fakey ones like “Jinger” and “Joy-Anna”. They only have two sets of twins, both fraternal, and three of their sons have rhymey, almost the same names: Josiah, Jedidiah, and Jerimiah. They have LOTS of boys, which is odd because aren’t girls just a little bit more common, like, in general? There are 10 boys and 7 girls, and 6 of those boys were born in a row. That is a GRIP of boys.
The Duggars are so different than the family in Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which is about the Gosselins, who, through the miracle/curse of fertility drugs, managed to have a set of twins and then sextuplets, so now they have eight kids, six of whom are under four and one of whom (Maddie, one of the twins) has sort of a bad attitude. Anyway! I was saying to Cambria how odd it is that Jon and Kate’s kids have more personality and are easier to differentiate at FOUR than the Duggar kids are at, well, a whole spectrum of ages. For instance, I was telling Cambria about how Jinger Duggar is my favorite, because she’s got more personality than the rest of them, and Cambria went along with it for a while until she was like, “Um, I think you mean Jessa?” EXACTLY.
But, anyway, the Duggars are bringing yet another clone into the world in January 2009, and since they must be completely out of “J” names by now I can’t imagine what’s left but for Jermaine—or, Jermajesty, whateva. The whole point of this post was that we had to look up the Duggars on Wikipedia because their website, which is classic and has the complete story behind why they have so many damn children is down. Wassup, Duggars? We need to know!
Every time I hear the name Jermajesty I pee a little.
3 years ago • 2 notes
