What Would Mulder Do?
Today I looked at the Montauk Monster for almost 20 seconds, total, over three viewings. It was introduced to me on Saturday, when I looked at it for almost 2 seconds. So you see, I’m growing stonger. And now I have a “theory”:
Clearly, it is a koala. I mean look at it. Everyone who’s anyone knows that Australia has been trying to rid themselves of those clowns for years. They have too many babies and then they eat all the trees that they happen to live in. Incidentally, this makes no sense. That would be like the Duggars running out of tater tot casserole and eating their own house. I suppose this is also why I don’t actually live at Taco Bell. But I digress.
Australia set up these camps a few years back, where enthusiastic young people could spend a summer sterilizing koalas. This involved shooting them out of trees with tranquilizers, performing a quick procedure, and presumably putting them back in the tree, although this last part was never actually mentioned…
I am thinking that a few of them made a break for it, waddled into the ocean, drowned, and washed up in Montauk. Seriously, you take away the furr and the ears and you’re left with a giant rat with a big nose and bigger ass.
So there you go, mystery solved. YOU’RE WELCOME, Anderson Cooper. Can we please go back to talking about Brad Pitt now? Thanks.
3 years ago • Notes